Action in scene|Shop Talk

I’ve been thinking a lot about action in scene lately. Turns out I’m not the only one. In fact, according to this gem of a post I found on The Writing Garden, one of my favorite contemporary authors, Chuck Palahniuk, has some great advice on the subject: It’s all about eliminating thought verbs. I’ve reposted it here as I find the font of the original to be difficult on the eyes. Enjoy.

Mid-class bathroom breaks land students in the poo

Originally posted in The Anchor

Joe King–Mediocre Investigative Journalist

If you’re looking to pass this semester, you may need to hold it. In accordance with the new Classroom Requirements of Accepted Protocol policy, Rhode Island College students are now forbidden to use the restroom during class periods.

The CRAP policy went into effect last Wednesday, and was met with immediate student outrage.

“Do you believe this CRAP,” asked senior English major, Tom Dunn. “I mean, I nearly soiled my britches all because a few uptight professors can’t get going without some prune juice? What a crock!” 

What’s more, the CRAP policy doesn’t just mean students aren’t allowed to leave the classroom for a much-needed bathroom break; the restrooms on campus will now be monitored via card swipe. If students would like to visit the restrooms in Craig Lee, for instance, they must swipe their student ID cards; if they’re supposed to be in class at the time of the swipe, the door will not open.

According to CRAP policy co-writer and professor of English, Katerina Knickyknack, the new policy addresses her need for firm control.

“When a student leaves during class to use the restroom, it is disruptive and extremely rude to both the class and myself,” said Knickyknack. “They can either go before class or hold it. And on a note of personal preference, I no longer allow water bottles in any of my classrooms; I like to avoid disruption at all costs.”

After the first day of hosting this new CRAP policy, the college community witnessed the onset of an angry student mob during Wednesday night’s Comrades-in-Arms meeting. Student Committee of the Communist Party commissar, Jim Brady, met the mob head on with sympathetic righteousness.

“Students—my people—I understand your plight,” started Brady. “The SCCP shall flush this excrement through the foul sewers of your fair college. No more shall you wallow in this CRAP policy.”

The steamed mob cheered, but the mood swung when a random student shouted.

“This new policy is shit!”

The commissar was quick to address the potty-mouthed student.

“Sir, I shan’t have such filth spoken in my chambers,” said Brady. “We go out of our way to speak without expletives—I appreciate if you would do the same.”

After the room took in Brady’s brilliance, a dictate was offered by the commissar himself to abolish the CRAP policy. The SCCP exploded with cheers for their wise leader and sang songs of praise to his eminence.

When policies such as CRAP are enforced, it is up to the students to take matters into their own hands. And when that fails, they find guidance in a strong student leader—the voice of the people. So, if you’re finding it hard to pass this semester, don’t force the issue. Instead, just relax—unclench those butt cheeks—and administer a much needed enema.

 

Life Cycle

swish-swash

the friendly old slosh

of working on the wash

 

long past baby bibs

reader’s digest tips

and red stains from lips

 

suds sud

suddenly

subtly…

 

swish-swash

the mish-mosh

of OshKosh b’Gosh

 

growing pains

and grape juice stains

riding in Kenmore cavalcades

 

hopes and dreams

teenage tears and screams

and that spilled ice cream

 

swish-swash

a Swiss watch

wet in the wash

 

tick tock no more

a slam of the door

the mystery pair of muddied drawers

 

a prom dress no-no

pajama bottom hobo

bleach the whites thorough

 

swish-swash

that friendly old slosh

ever eager to watch

 

years gone by

always fill to the line

now an early bird before five

 

and so it’s grandkids

who come on weekend visits

o, what a life to be lived

New Blizzard IP “Overwatch” debuts at BlizzCon 2014

The creators of “World of Warcraft” just announced their first new intellectual property in 17 years: “Overwatch.” It’s a 6-v-6 team based, first person shooter with some slick new graphics for the Blizzard universe.

Announcement Trailer:

Gameplay Trailer: 

The beta is slated for 2015 (no specific month announced), and the crowd in the Anaheim Convention Center’s Hall D received the new game rather well. The graphics are similar to something Pixar would create, and the in-game action is reminiscent of “Halo.”

In addition to the new IP, Blizzard also announced a new stand-alone expansion for “Starcraft II,” called “Legacy of the Void;” “Goblins vs. Gnomes” expansion for “Hearthstone,” which includes 120 new cards and is set for December;

“Goblins vs. Gnomes” Trailer:

the “Heroes of the Storm” beta, which is set to release for January 2015; and some character shots from the “Warcraft” movie, set to release in March 2016, are now available. King Llane Wrynn will be played by Dominic Cooper, and Orgrim Doomhammer will be played by Rob Kazinsky.

As for “World of Warcraft” news? Nothing. Nothing we don’t already know, anyway. The Iron Horde is still coming, Draenor awaits, and the Horde and the Alliance will once again come together to extinguish the fires of annihilation.

“Warlords of Draenor” Trailer:

With BlizzCon only just starting, more news will surely be available in the next 48 hours.

Lok’tar, friends!