Literally nothing happened

Originally posted in The Anchor

Joe King–Mediocre Investigative Journalist

"Students may have sat around campus last week, mouths agape and staring off into the distance as campus life as we knew it came to a grinding halt. But we simply won't know."
“Students may have sat around campus last week, mouths agape and staring off into the distance as campus life as we knew it came to a grinding halt. But we simply won’t know.”

Given the recent campus car chase, missing student funds, and coup of the former student governing body, nothing happened last week. Literally.

Students may have sat around campus last week, mouths agape and staring off into the distance as campus life as we knew it came to a grinding halt. But we simply won’t know.

According to Programming spokesperson, Julia Cringeworth, group events on campus weren’t cancelled–they simply didn’t take place.

“We had expected a high turnout for campus activities last week. I guess we were wrong. Come to think of it, I couldn’t even tell you if anyone actually showed up. I know I didn’t,” Cringeworth said.

Continue reading “Literally nothing happened”


SCG overthrown in student power play

Originally posted in The Anchor

Joe King–Mediocre Investigative Journalist

This establishment has had 0 days since a nonsense. We shan't tolerate a moment longer!
This regime has had 0 days since a nonsense. We shan’t tolerate a moment longer!

The longtime capitalist regime known as Student Community Government, Inc. was overthrown by a splinter cell of student communists last week. During Wednesday’s Parliament meeting, SCG President Roberta Santini was about to address the ongoing case of missing student funds, but was interrupted by roughly 100 loudly chanting student protesters, led by the nefarious student activist, Jim Brady.

“Waste of money, waste of time, leave our campus, and stop this crime!”

Deputy Speaker Samantha Mandeville pounded her gavel and demanded the protestors leave the room immediately. At Brady’s direction, the students hoisted her above their heads and carried her out of the Student Union amidst her shouts of protest and flailing appendages.

Continue reading “SCG overthrown in student power play”

Car chase ends in SU Loop foot race

Originally posted in The Anchor

Joe King–Mediocre Investigative Journalist

In a whirlwind of traffic violations and psychotropic drugs, The Anchor’s editor-in-chief, Jim Brady, returned to Rhode Island College last week with an

Nonsense shan't be tolerated, especially in a faux news piece. Please direct all complaints directly to el administrator del nonsensico.
Reader beware, faux news lives here.

impromptu police “escort.” According to multiple student eyewitnesses, the chase ended outside of Horace Mann Thursday night, with all involved walking away unscathed, but severely exhausted.

Brady, who is being fingered as the possible culprit behind a large amount of missing student funds earlier this semester, fled to Atlantic City with his dog a few weeks back. It was alleged that Brady was seeking help at an area rehab center, but when initial reports broke regarding a police chase on Rt. 44 in Johnston, the editor-in-chief’s name spread through police scanners. With news of his arrival reaching campus minutes ahead of him, Brady was met by RIC campus police.

Continue reading “Car chase ends in SU Loop foot race”

Life Cycle


the friendly old slosh

of working on the wash


long past baby bibs

reader’s digest tips

and red stains from lips


suds sud





the mish-mosh

of OshKosh b’Gosh


growing pains

and grape juice stains

riding in Kenmore cavalcades


hopes and dreams

teenage tears and screams

and that spilled ice cream



a Swiss watch

wet in the wash


tick tock no more

a slam of the door

the mystery pair of muddied drawers


a prom dress no-no

pajama bottom hobo

bleach the whites thorough



that friendly old slosh

ever eager to watch


years gone by

always fill to the line

now an early bird before five


and so it’s grandkids

who come on weekend visits

o, what a life to be lived

New Blizzard IP “Overwatch” debuts at BlizzCon 2014


The creators of “World of Warcraft” just announced their first new intellectual property in 17 years: “Overwatch.” It’s a 6-v-6 team based, first person shooter with some slick new graphics for the Blizzard universe.

Announcement Trailer:

Gameplay Trailer: 

The beta is slated for 2015 (no specific month announced), and the crowd in the Anaheim Convention Center’s Hall D received the new game rather well. The graphics are similar to something Pixar would create, and the in-game action is reminiscent of “Halo.”

In addition to the new IP, Blizzard also announced a new stand-alone expansion for “Starcraft II,” called “Legacy of the Void;” “Goblins vs. Gnomes” expansion for “Hearthstone,” which includes 120 new cards and is set for December;

“Goblins vs. Gnomes” Trailer:

the “Heroes of the Storm” beta, which is set to release for January 2015; and some character shots from the “Warcraft” movie, set to release in March 2016, are now available. King Llane Wrynn will be played by Dominic Cooper, and Orgrim Doomhammer will be played by Rob Kazinsky.



As for “World of Warcraft” news? Nothing. Nothing we don’t already know, anyway. The Iron Horde is still coming, Draenor awaits, and the Horde and the Alliance will once again come together to extinguish the fires of annihilation.

“Warlords of Draenor” Trailer:

With BlizzCon only just starting, more news will surely be available in the next 48 hours.

Lok’tar, friends!

The subversiveness of “it’s”|Shop Talk

It’s not that difficult, but its misuse is certainly grating.

Matthew Barlow

Spelling errors and stupid mistakes really bug me.  They bug me in student papers, but they bug me more in venues where the author/designer should know better.  When I lived in Montreal all those years, English translations of official documents (like from the Gouvernement du Québec and the Ville de Montréal) were riddled with typos, grammatical errors, and spelling mistakes.  The same could be said of advertising around the city.  Lately, I’ve noticed faulty grammar, typos, and dodgy spelling on the websites of the likes of TSN and ESPN.  Fine, you say, what else can you expect from dumb jocks.  But the same errors are popping up on the websites of The Globe & Mail, the Boston Globe, The New York Times, The Guardian, and so on.  In particular, “it’s.”  “It’s” is the contraction of “it is.”  It is NOT the possessive of “it.”  The possessive…

View original post 156 more words