Literally nothing happened

Originally posted in The Anchor

Joe King–Mediocre Investigative Journalist

"Students may have sat around campus last week, mouths agape and staring off into the distance as campus life as we knew it came to a grinding halt. But we simply won't know."
“Students may have sat around campus last week, mouths agape and staring off into the distance as campus life as we knew it came to a grinding halt. But we simply won’t know.”

Given the recent campus car chase, missing student funds, and coup of the former student governing body, nothing happened last week. Literally.

Students may have sat around campus last week, mouths agape and staring off into the distance as campus life as we knew it came to a grinding halt. But we simply won’t know.

According to Programming spokesperson, Julia Cringeworth, group events on campus weren’t cancelled–they simply didn’t take place.

“We had expected a high turnout for campus activities last week. I guess we were wrong. Come to think of it, I couldn’t even tell you if anyone actually showed up. I know I didn’t,” Cringeworth said.

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